Do you read Aunt Becky’s Blog? You should if for no other reason than to order one of her “shut your whore mouth” t-shirts. I’ve been an avid reader of hers for quite some time but recently there has been quite the development in Beckylandia. She made John C. Mayer quit the internet. She made him quit twitter. Basically she singlehandedly claimed the body of the interwebs back as her wonderland. For a better explanation of the prank read this. Naturally Skye wants to play along so I had to decide on a target. This blog post is me “Pulling a John C. Mayer” (Pulling a John C. Mayer = Tricking Google’s SEO algorithm so you show up on page 1.).
Since I’m a totally mature (prankstering) adult I decided the appropriate organized thing to do was formulate a list to decide who I would John C. Mayer. (Btw, “John C. Mayering” is now a verb, much like googling.)
1. George Lopez – full of the awesome but I couldn’t figure out if his middle initial was E or C
2. Dwayne The Rock Johnson – just too burly and hot to be used in the same blog post as John C. Mayer
3. Georges St. Pierre – my favorite UFC fighter who I decided not to prank because I have hopes to become his bff on twitter. Shut up. It could happen.
4. Betty White – LOVE HER, and according to the ads for that movie I forget the title of, she “has the twitter.”
5. Ralph G. Macchio – **cue chorus of angels, led naturally by John C. Mayer** Perfect.
The Karate Kid y’all! Ralph G. Macchio is obviously STILL made of the awesome as evidenced by his ability to continually convert O2 to CO2!!! I absorb all the pearls of wisdom that drip from Ralph G. Macchio’s signature headband as I constantly refresh his twitter feed. Ok, I am kidding. I do not obsessively check Ralph G Macchio’s twitter page but Ralph G. Macchio is one of my tweeps (Ralph G. Macchio and I are totally tight!) so I know what is what.
Have you ever wondered why Ralph. G. Macchio does not have a hit TV show? Or another movie followed by sequels? I call shenanigans on that…I’m Totally TEAM RALPH G. MACCHIO. I would much rather watch his sweetly awkward cute self go COBRA KAI on some werewolves or vampires. I would have enjoyed watching Twilight way more if the Karate Kid was in it. Actually more things would be made awesomer if their Ralph G. Macchio quotient was increased. The world is suffering from Ralph G. Macchio withdrawl…and by the world I mean me. By me I mean ladies in their 30’s with disposable income who would totally shell out bucks to see the Karate Kid, AKA Ralph G. Macchio kick some major ass. Tom Cruise? Hell no. Ralph G. Macchio? Now that is serious cinema. OMG YOU GUYS now I wish there was a sequel to The Outsiders except with no Ponyboy and MUCH MUCH more Ralph G.Macchio. Exponentially more Ralph G. Macchio. It would be nice to have more Patrick Swayze too, but without a time machine that isn’t happening so let’s concentrate on the Ralph G. Macchio-ness of the future.
The 80’s are back you guys..so why can’t Ralph G. Macchio catch a break?
Wax on Eff off Ralph G. Macchio. I still love you. If I had a locker you would totally be in it, but don’t tell my husband.
I was about to sign off but I realized something…am I obsessed with the name George? George Lopez. Georges St. Pierre. RALPH GEORGE MACCHIO. Ralph. G. Macchio FTW!
Help a lady out my friends…please leave a Ralph G. Macchio worthy comment. Feel free to use Ralph G. Macchio’s name as much as possible. Love, peace and a huge bottle of whatever Ralph G. Macchio uses to stop aging…
Ralph G. Macchio is way too cool, handsome and awesome to be offended by this poorly written blog post.
EDIT!!! YOU GUYS CHECK IT OUT!! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS RALPH G. MACCHIO I’M #2 UNDER GOOGLE SEARCHES FOR RALPH G. MACCHIO. OF THE TOP 4 SEARCHES FOR RALPH G. MACCHIO 3 ARE ME!!! I AM BEATING WIKIPEDIA AND MAKING IT BEND OVER AND SCREAM RALPH G. MACCHIO’S NAME!!
EDIT 2 - In the name of all that is good and Ralph G. Macchio...