And then my heart broke. A lot.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it but my daughter Cielo has some expressive language delay. She has come a long way since kindergarten (when she came out of her screen not saying a word other than screaming NOOO at her SLP) and even since the beginning of grade 1. She loves letters, sounds and reading and is ALWAYS talking to me and her family.

At school she still tends to be quiet and although she loves her friends (what she calls every person birth to 18) I’ve often worried about her making friends. I don’t care about popularity, naturally I would like her to be more popular than I was (I was an NDN nerd, not the homecoming queen) but I want her to have a real best friend.

This morning I was fixing Cielo’s hair and practicing with her how she would greet everyone and she said, “____ isn’t my friend. That’s too bad right mommy. I’m ok right?”

I could see on her face she wasn’t ok. She couldn’t (wouldn’t?) tell me what (if) something happened just that ____ wasn’t her best friend. She said it simply, “nothing mean mommy I can just tell.”

Maybe I should be happy; she used to be oblivious to social cues. Now I just wish she could go back to when she thought everyone was her best friend.

Swimming Lessons NDN Style

Cielo and Jr have been taking swimming lessons this week. (Every day, twice a day for 2 weeks. I need a vacation from my vacation.)

I never took swimming lessons, when people ask my general response is, “Ndns don’t swim…we like water but don’t swim. We frolic.” As a child and up til now I can count on my fingers the number of bathing suits I’ve owned. (Swim in cutoff shorts and a T? Don’t mind if I do.) Anyway, I want them to learn to swim so there I am hauling 3 kids, one of whom will NOT touch the sand tho I won’t name names (Diego.) We are the only native family taking lessons there. Maybe ever.

I feel like I’m taking lessons too because if I am not in the water my girl does not participate. She totally calls shenanigans on “swimming” as she would rather frolic. She is so my child.

I am reminded of being a kid and beginning school in town. Before at the rez school I never thought I had less (meaning material things) than others, until I saw other kids with more. It didn’t bother me, but it did embarrass me tho I tried to hide it. I thought those feelings went away but I’ve realized they have not.

It literally hurt my heart when I realized my kids were the only ones in their swimming class not wearing wet suits (the lake is cold yo.) It is not a requirement but I didn’t want them to feel different so I bought them each one. (Scored a sale, plus used $25 worth of Canadian Tire money cuz I’m thrifty like that.) When I showed the kids their response made me both sad and glad. They both said, “oh! It’s just like_____’s! Now I won’t be cold.”

I guess they noticed. Funny thing is, when I was a child I felt totally fancy if I had a “real” bathing suit. I still feel that way if you want me to be honest.

Now if I could just sit on the beach and read everything would be perfect.

That time today when my parents were talking about ass

We have been without power for over 25 hours now thanks to the storm. Earlier today my babies were getting antsy so I decided to take them to the rez to visit my parents. While there my parents decided to make me coffee (because they are awesome) over the fire. As I walked towards the fire pit I overheard this conversation…

“Geez you got a little ass” (ok I don’t know why I didn’t turn around but I thought I was mistaken)

“This is my mothers ass” (um, awkward)

“Eee as if, that’s my little ass!” (now I had to interrupt and was all….”wth??”)

And my mom said, “look, Dad  is chopping wood with that little axe. ”

Thank goodness they were talking about axe

#BloggessBook Inspired Post: That Time I Was Airborne

I loved Let’s Pretend This Never Happened and have been enjoying chatting about it with our #BloggessBook club on twitter.  It was hilarious when @speechtechie and I realized we had both been ejected out of moving vehicles during our childhoods.  The stories are funny now, or at least we thought so.  I promised @atklingensmith that I would write a blog post about my experience so here we go…

It was a beautiful sunny day and I was feeling grand.  I had a brand new aqua Cabbage Patch jogging suit on and I had enjoyed a Happy Meal for lunch.  I hadn’t gone to school that day because I had been at a dental appointment (which was why I had eaten McDonald’s…this was a treat I mostly only had if I had a medical appointment.)  I rode along with my parents and my younger brother Wilton (known then only as Macho because he was HUGE) in the truck as I clutched my awesome book bag (a brown corduroy briefcase type thing I borrowed from my mom because I thought it made me look older.)  I remember sitting against the door looking out the window at the trees.

Next thing I knew I was looking up at the sky, unable to catch my breath.  When I finally could take a breath I realized my mouth was full of mud (first thought – MY CLEAN TEETH!) and when I glanced around I saw I was lying in a mud puddle in the ditch. (SECOND THOUGHT – OH NOES MY JOGGING SUIT!!!) My dad checked if I could wiggle my toes and move my fingers (he used to be an orderly) and when he saw I could he lifted me up and carried me to the truck, where my mom held me on her lap for the final kilometer to our house.  They put me on their bed and left me to rest.  My brother was horrified, he stayed with me the whole time and told me, “please don’t be dead or crippled.” I sent him to make me a snack and get me a drink because I ain’t no fool.

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My mom said it was so sudden, one second I was talking and the next I was gone.  They heard a hard sickening THUMP (I had flown out clutching my beloved borrowed briefcase and had whacked it against the side of the truck) and thought that it was my head hitting the truck.  My dad jumped out of the truck and it went into the opposite ditch. Oddly (as if flying out of a truck wasn’t odd enough) I was still holding the briefcase.  My dad looked at the area later and said it looked like I hit the treeline (broken branches) and bounced into the ditch.

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My dad was furious with himself and the truck and welded the door shut. Later he realized that was also unsafe so he sold the truck because he still couldn’t stand to look at it.

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I’m pretty sure I’m fine and had no lasting effects but quite honestly, my childhood was full of crazy, horrifyingly awesome things.  It’s a miracle I escaped unscathed but I wouldn’t change anything.  It formed my twisted crazy eccentric personality.  Then again, I would change one little thing…I think my mom threw my Cabbage Patch jogging suit and the briefcase away because I never saw them again. Uncool.  They were both super sweet and awesome.

Thunderchild Treaty Day 2012

It is officially Treaty Day on Thunderchild First Nation.

Piyesiw Awasis

I am proud of being a band member of TCFN and I’m looking forward to bringing my children to partake in the days festivities.  I scheduled myself to be off work and I am taking the kids out of school at 10 am so we can head to the rez.  I’m excited as always to visit everyone in the community and celebrate that  All Saskatchewan people are Treaty People .  Today is a day to remember our relationship with the Crown, the government and to celebrate our rights.  I made a treaty day post a few years ago here if you are interested in reading about the history of TREATY 6.